Four years ago, while working at CareerBuilder, I needed to test some resume (or CV as you non-Americans call it) stuff in the production environment. So I whipped up a fake resume, had a little fun with it, did my tests, then forgot about it.
Last week, a recruiter emailed me about a job opportunity. According to him, my resume is a perfect fit!
This is that resume (which, by the way, is titled “Level 70 Epic Web Development Ninja”):
To become the most powerful web developer in the world, preferably with a power level over 9000
- I have programmed in every language ever, including but not limited to, Ada, ASP, ASP.NET, Basic, C, C++, C#, COBOL, Erlang, Fortran, Heron, J#, J++, Java, Lingo, Lisp, Logo, Lua, Maple, Matlab, Nemerle, Pascal, Perl, PHP, Pico, Prolog, Python, Ruby, Scheme, Smalltalk, Squeak, and my TI-86 calculator in high school - Produce high quality code, even when tired or drunk
- I have used every DB language ever created
- My photographic memory makes DB work easy
Web Design Skills
- I can speak in HTML
- Copious amounts of experience surfing the internet
Sep 2003 -
Career Quilter Norcross, GA Software Engineer 2.0
- Drank a lot of Mountain Dew
- Wrote asinine fake resumes to use in the production environment for testing
May 2003 – May 2003
Wectarejob Inc. Norcross, GA Software Engineer
- Cleaned up wasted file space by removing 5 years worth of comments from code
- Creative differences led me to outgrow this position in 2 days
Sep 2000 – Nov 2000
Georgia Remotes Atlanta, GA Webmaster/Advertising Consultant
- Webmaster for a short-sighted baseless web start-up that rode the bubble, cowboy style, into glorious failure
Something tells me the recruiter didn’t read my resume.